The Irfanophobic Verses

A Metro always packed-up tight

Zam again on Winston Lights

Arabesk throughout the night

How happy I am to be Turk

Midiye fills the belly

There’s really fuck-all that’s on telly

Rakı, however, makes one merry

How happy I am to be Turk

The new I-phones are the best

At least that’s what the paper says

Haydi, taksitle öderiz!

How happy I am to be Turk

Cem Yılmaz cracks a corker

Homes are more than bricks and mortar,

So grab an ev sahibi’s daughter

How happy I am to be Turk

Entel magangas tell me that

Books are great for facebook snaps

Can Yücel could swear by that

How happy I am to be Turk

Flags are free and soldiers drafted,

Water’s one lira but that’s expected

Exam? Just copy – no-one’ll check it!

How happy I am to be Turk

Kapalı Çarşı’s full of tat

Take a wallet, they’ll empty that

Like selling sand to Araps

How Happy I am to be Turk

Revolutionaries who want it all

To revert to a standard form

All rich and powerful dream of more

How Happy I am to be Turk

The girls might look all Nişantaşı

But there’s something to be said for Tarlabaşı

Both extremes will crash down on you

How happy I am to be Turk

This is my ikamet tezgerisi

A pledge of allegiance for all to see

Wait and I’ll get the mühürlü copy

How happy I am to be Turk

By Liam Murray 

Liam Murray is a freelance translator by trade, who has lived in Turkey for the best part of eight years and has lived, worked, and studied in everywhere from Adıyaman to İzmir. After stints writing for Time Out, Yabangee, and other foreigner-geared media outlets, he has decided to concentrate his writing on personal prose, poetry, polemics and the textual portrayal of an ever-encroaching mid-life crisis in which his punk roots observe him with a heavy eye.

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