Thata M. Tumedi
Dear dad, I am writing this letter to you
to let you know that
She's been dead for a long long time now
Oh! No no..don't look so grim
I haven't buried her yet.
I thought this time you would want to say your goodbyes.
Maybe this time we'll have some good luck and you will do it right.
Maybe this time you won't be such a coward
And sneak out in the middle of the night with a 21 year old
While you are already starting to bald.
That night I lost you, I lost my mother
I lost something inside of me
Or perhaps several things
Things central to my existence
The very support for who I am as a person!
But I knew there was no salvation here, only adaptation.
Isn't it funny how every girl adores her father and resents her mother?
Its such a cliché, but you were my shade daddy
And I was never ashamed of you
When our neighbors blamed you for the poverty in our house
When they called you lazy and a disgrace in my face
But now mom's dead!
That changes everything... That makes you a murderer!!
All mom is left with is the Storm that dwells within her hallow, hollow frame.
With this masterpiece of sorrow,
I have learnt to master my pain.
I've dealt with the stinging guilt of failing to protect my mother
And now my interests tilt.
So, I ain't got no daddy issues
Because I got plenty of tissues
To wipe my tears when the days are dark
Like last night!
My first ever longest relationship ended- a cataclysmic debacle.
But this was a bittersweet moment for me
Cause even though I was sad
I was even more glad that
I had finally overcome my fears of commitment and attachment.
I...had a relationship that lasted 13 long days.
So, I don't resent you dad
In fact I yearn for the bond we created
And I hope you come back
Cause maybe... Just maybe...
we can move from 13 days to 30 days
I still dream about all the nights you put me to bed
And sang me lullabies after mum fed me
These dreams encapsulate my memories.
That's the thing with memories
They warm you up inside but also they can tear you apart from within.
Have you seen where the sea and the sky meet?
It's only an illusion, they can't meet.
But isn't it beautiful?
This union which isn't really there
Like the union I have with you in my dreams.
Well, with this being my 7th letter to you
I do not hope for a miracle response.
I know I'm chasing the shadow of a ghost....so unobtainable.
So, I will take responsibility and shield myself
From this pain you've created
And I'll have my mother cremated
Thata M. Tumedi is a 24 year old writer and poetess from Botswana now residing in Turkey. She is currently pursuing her masters in Human Resource Management at Nisantasi University. She defines happiness in three words: Love,Travel and Art. Thata spends her holidays and weekends volunteering and doing charity work because there is no better art than LOVE. She draws her strength and wisdom from her mother and thrives to inspire young women to speak out through poetry and art.